Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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