Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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