I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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