Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
