The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize