He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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