Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
