Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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