I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
