She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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