do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
