so that wasnt chicken after all
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
