Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize