I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
