Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
