he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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