If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
