Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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