i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
are you so shy because you have an std?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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