I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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