He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Threesome in a minivan. New low
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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