when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
