foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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