do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
