SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
