I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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