Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is wine microwaveable?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
