it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
