i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize