we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
