The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
