we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
