Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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