Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize