Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
