Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
