this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
