just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
