I think my vagina is haunted
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
