Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
