I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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