Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
