I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
