He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
