Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
