I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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