the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
3 2 1 whiskey
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
