Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
