If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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