You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
