At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
