How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
as a side note pls kill me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
