She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize