I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize