I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Randomize
