I'm eating all of the evidence.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
