so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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