It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
