It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
