so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
sex in a hospital.. check
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
