I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize