O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
