I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
