I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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