That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
