I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
