i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
