You smell like stripper and shame
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
