Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
