I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
