We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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