I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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