I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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