the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
