:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
