tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
