watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
