And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
