I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
