i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
