We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
