it hurts more in the daytime
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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