it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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