Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
