Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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