Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
