either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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