Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
