batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
