New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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