you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
