apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize