before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
