WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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