I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
