and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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