i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
