who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
