Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
