You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
