I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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