I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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