he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize