Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
