I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
