I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
