I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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