Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
