12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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