Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
