oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
