My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
